Mombie life

I feel like I spend most of my life in a slight stupor due to lack of actual, quality sleep. You know the kind of sleep I refer to; one where you sleep consecutively for hours at a time. Every little noise is just a cute reminder that you don't have any responsibility or worry in the world. You can just turn up the fan and bask in your Benedryl like coma that scientists refer to as "rem sleep". Ah, bliss.

Today I'm a particularly snappy brand of zombie, er I mean MOMbie, because I had the exclusive privilege of having all my kids in my bed with me at once. WHAT! You're jealous, admit it. You only wish you could freely give up your personal space and favorite pillow to three little kids who, even asleep, fight like they are wide awake and are ready to avenge.

The hubby was on duty last night, which basically means he was in class all day and then stays at the base to stand watch, sleep, play Star Wars on his phone, and bask in that foreign concept of REM sleep that I will probably never see again. I hate when he is on duty. I HATE when he is on duty. Mostly because I just can't sleep. When we joined the Coast Guard I never openly complained about anything on the forums I had joined, mainly on Facebook. It was like, if you even stated ONE opinion about how you really felt about your husbands job they were stringing you up by your toes and hanging you off the nearest buoy tender while throwing copies of "sea legs" at you.

You see, Beau and I had been married for seven years before he ever joined the Coast Guard. Seven years of waking up next to my husband virtually every single morning. I think we had maybe been apart a total of four days before he ever left for basic. When I would see other women ask "how do you deal with your spouse being gone at night" people would answer with a very comforting "get over it", "your job is to support not complain", "You don't have it that bad", "let me tell you what hard is" etc. Well, I'm here to say that what is easy for you wasn't easy for me.  I support my love 1000000% but that doesn't make sleeping alone at night any easier. First of all, I get freaked out at night. I have pretty severe anxiety and so, when I'm alone at night and the only responsible adult, I am certain that the stars will align and tonight will be the night we are robbed and murdered in our beds. I am constantly getting up, checking the kids, checking the locks, opening closet doors while holding a hammer just in case the intruder came in the house during the day while I was unsuspecting. The fact that that way of thinking is completely irrational does not escape me.  It also may have to do with my year of being obsessed with Criminal Minds. Freaking prime time TV.

I also turn into the laziest kind of mom around when dad is on duty. "Oh, you want to binge watch Netflix all day? Fire up that Magic School Bus!" "You feel like eating brownies and last years Halloween candy for dinner? Eh, could be worse. Throw me some skittles." It's actually kind of terrible except that I never ever have to change out of my pajamas. I don't know about you but I call that a mom win.

So last night I felt like a champion when I shut off my binge watching marathon of "Gilmore Girls" at midnight and started to fall asleep. This never happens to me. I consider myself lucky if I'm asleep by one on duty nights. I had just gotten past the toss/turn battle and closed my eyes when I hear someone dragging everything they own down the hallway towards my room.

"Mom, I had a nightmare"- It was my 6 year old Gracie. She has night terrors and I will often find her wandering down the hall. Yes, it's as creepy as it sounds. I muster all the love I can from my half comatose state to pull back the covers and let her in. "What was your nightmare about?" She goes on to half explain the plot to Curious George's Halloween Boo movie and then fall asleep. I actually find it adorable that Curious George gives her nightmares.

Two minutes later my four year old came creeping in. "Mom, I had a nightmare." I pull back the covers to my quickly filling up bed and ask her what her nightmare was about. Because, that is what you are suppose to do as a good mom. Really though, I just wanted to take my pillow and go sleep in their bed. Her reply "Gracie." Well okay then. She promptly turned sideways, stuck her foot in my throat, and fell asleep.

And then, the baby started crying. I will admit I have a teensy soft spot for the littlest man in my life. It's his cheeks, I can't get enough.

 Alright, let's get this out of the way right now: I don't like co-sleeping. I know that a lot of you probably do. I have read all the arguments about why it's the bomb.com and how it helps your children grow to be well-adjusted rulers of all the universes or whatever but, I actually hate it. Let's be real though, I don't even like sleeping next to my hubby most of the time. I just REALLY like my space when I sleep! I don't think it's adorable when they climb in and snuggle their 1000 degree body right up next to you while simitaniously mouth breathing in your face. I don't understand how they can sleep straight as a board in their own bed but the second they get into mine they remember how much they love sleeping upside down with their big toe shoved into your ear. I also don't like that when a child is in my bed I just can't sleep. I worry all night that I'll squash the baby or, heaven forbid, wake up the four year old. And come on, nothing screams sexy time like the consequence of said time shoved right in-between you and your love with an arm wrapped in your hair.

Don't mind me, I'll just be over here downing iced chai's and letting my kids color on the walls.